Aguilas de Mexicali

The picture you are seeing here is one of the biggest moments in the LMP (Liga Mexicana del Pacifico - Mexican League of the Pacific), that guy with the number 34 on his jersey is Fernando Valenzuela, the guy covering the first base is his son Fernando Valenzuela Jr., they both played with the Aguilas de Mexicali on Oct. 29th 2006, something that happened for the first time in the history of the league, that a father and son played in the same team the same day. They both gave a great game, sadly the Aguilas lost, Fernando left the game in the 5th inning, and they were winning 4-3, Fernando Jr. hit a long homerun, it was awesome.

Things you Realize when you Drink...

Last Sunday night I had this need for a cigar, I was drinking some Coronas and it was like 11:30pm or so, a little later maybe, so since cigars are very smelly, and I didn't wanted my wife to kill me for stinking the house, I went outside and drank beer and smoke cigars with the company of my loyal dog Klinsmann, it was funny how he got scared when I would throw the smoke out, he would run a few feet back every time I would do that.

Then I was in front of my house, right under the light of the street, and I noticed in the house right in front of my house, how every 5 minutes or so, different cars pull in, every 5 or 10 minutes a new car pulls in and leaves, some people would even walk over there, and leave in less than 1 minute, what could that be?

So I started to think, and I realized the guys that live right across the street are drug dealers, that's why these all kind of people where getting there, from the guy who looked like a Lawyer, to the guy who looks like he just got out of prison.

I wish I could call the cops on them, but the police must be aware of them, they are probably paying a few police man, so if I call, they would tell him I call on them, this sucks, I hate it cause all those potential criminals are parking right in front of my house, and my dog, as mean as he looks, and as mean as he barks, he's very friendly, I don't see him protecting a lot if somebody jumps the fence, I mean, he got scared cause of smoke coming out of my mouth, shit this sucks, what should I do?

Donkey Shows are Real

Something was brought to my attention yesterday, a friend of mine showed me the following newspaper headline that for me, is proof enough that "Donkey Shows" have at least taken place, and probably keep taking place in Mexico:



For those who are not familiarized with the Cervantes language, that headline reads as follows: "Recognizes she gave oral sex to a horse".

I have to apologize to all of those that told me "Donkey Shows" exist. Please accept my apologies

8 Planets?

I know many of you were cheering for a “condom post” today, but no, I’ll blog about the most stupid thing done by scientists in the last decade according to me and my limited knowledge on the subject. Now we’re down to 8 planets, we were close to have 10 planets in our solar system, but now we're down to 8, what happened?

For what I know, Pluto is way to small to be considered a planet, according to the scientists, it is smaller then our moon, and it’s almost ice, it’s so far away form the sun that it is super cold, I understand under one hand that this small “planet” was nothing compared to Saturn or Jupiter, but still, I find stupid to take it out as a planet.

So now when we get old we will tell our grandsons… “kid, there use to be 9 planets up there, I really can’t remember why, but now we’re down to 8”, and our kids will think we’re crazy…”yeah right… MOM!!… crazy granddaddy is talking nonsense shit again”.

I always find funny when in the old days, astronomers only knew there were 6 planets in our solar system, or when people before Copernicus use to think our planet was the center of the universe, now people will say the same about us…”oh those stupid guys from the 2000ends use to think there were 9 planets in our solar system”.

Why did our solar system shrink? We were almost up to 10, and all the sudden we’re down to 8 planets, that’s stupid, I may not know nothing, but I know this, 9 is better than 8 in this case.

Donkey Shows Update

I said earlier that myths always have a piece of truth, I think I found the reason why "gringos" insist "donkey shows" exist. This is the description that can be found on Wikipedia about "Donkey Shows":

"A donkey show is an entertainment show in which a woman performs sexual acts with a donkey. It is common knowledge in the area that Tijuana and Juarez cab drivers will offer to take tourists to "donkey shows," and instead take them to a location where they are robbed"

Next time a friend of yours tells you that he was at a "Donkey Show" and that you should go one day, he really wants you to be robbed.

Donkey Shows

Today I am talking about the infamous “donkey show”. I never heard about “donkey shows” until I started to talk with ‘gringos’ on the regular bases, and they told me that in Mexico “donkey shows” are very popular. I live in Mexico, I’d live in Mexico all my life, and I have never heard, seen or meet another Mexican that has been around or near a “donkey show”, but ‘gringos’ are sure they exist.

I’ve been asking around what a “donkey show” is exactly, most of the 'gringos' don’t know or don’t want to tell me, one person told me it’s suppose to be a donkey doing a woman, I think that is impossible, I mean, possible, but the woman would die.

It’s weird how this myth got to be what it is, always some reality creates myths, myths always have a piece of reality, but I can’t find what created this myth. There’s have to be something that made a ‘gringo’ think…”man, that donkey is doing that girl, and there’s a lot of people watching it like it was a show” But I still can’t figure out what did a rational person believe that.

I want proof these shows have ever taken place, maybe it’s a old show that is no longer done, at least I need first hand narration or description of “donkey show”, I always hear how “my friend was at a ‘donkey show’” and I can’t take that as a fact. Either I don’t know nothing about Mexico, or ‘gringos’ have a very good imagination.

Things we do When we are Scared

We human beings are not prepared to face fear; we don’t know how to handle it wisely. If you don’t believe me, there’ a few stupid things we do when we are scared or in danger…

1.- You are in bed and you hear a estrange noise, what do you do?

You cover with your blankets.
Good!!! Bravo!!! What the fuck is that? By any chance the blanket is bulletproof? Are you telling me that a mother fucker with a knife won’t be able to go thru the blanket, or will he banish when he touches the blanket?

You look under the bed.
Let’s suppose there is a killer under your bed, why the fuck do you look under? What’s in there for you? Of course he would scare the crap out of you! Good, you deserve it for been so naïve. Let’s say one day you do find somebody under your bed, what are you going to tell him? “Hello, how’s it going? Murdering? Please come in, would you like something to drink?”

You look into your closet.
Tell me, is there anybody that would fit into that ugly and old smelly closet full of old clothes? If not even your damn fucking clothes fit in there how do you expect somebody to fit in there?

You pretend you are sleeping.
Excellent!!! How clever!!! So you think that the mother fucker that wants to kill you when he realizes you are slept will say “Shit! He’s sleeping, I better return tomorrow”

You wake up in your boxers. And the stupid you asks “Is anybody there?”
Dou you think anybody will be so stupid to answer? The best of all is when you conclude that if somebody is really there, he can only be in the bathroom, because you have searched everywhere else, and what do you do??? Instead of locking him up in the bathroom, you open the door and very slowly try to look inside the bathroom, giving the mother fucker that it’s in there all the chance of hitting you in your fucking head. And you have it well deserved!

You start thinking of ghosts.
And what do you do? You start singing!!! Like if that ugly song you like, with your ugly and out of tune voice would scare the crap out of the ghost that wants to play a joke on you.

You are walking on the street at night. All the sudden you see somebody and you think that he will may assault you or try to steal from you, and the first thing you do is you walk to the opposite side sidewalk, I am sure that the delinquent will think “Fuck!, he changed sidewalk, now I won’t be able to steel from him, what a fucking night!” But… why do we do this? Are you telling me people steals on their own sidewalks only?

And let’s not forget that with our own stupid reactions, you have to add the natural body reactions.

When we are getting a shot, what do we do? We put our butt as hard as steel that the needle bounces off. We know that it will hurt more, but we don’t care, we’ll put the ass hard.

Another stupid body reaction is to be totally paralyzed. If there’s a car coming towards you, and it’s about to run over you, that’s the first reaction that our fucking body will have, to stand still. Like if the fucking car would feel intimidated with your mere presence and would automatically stop!!!

You find yourself in front of a dog the size of a small horse, he starts barking at you, and what do your legs do?? They freeze up and you are there standing in front of this dog saying to yourself “calm down little doggy, calm down” like if the god damn dog had telepathic powers and would read your thoughts!!!! These and other stupid things we do when we are scared as hell, which it’s normal, but when you analyze them we realize are stupid things to do…. Don’t you think???